What makes you go on?

Someone asked me this week what makes you run for two hours.What makes you keep running? I thought about this a lot today while I was running.. My answer is this. What keeps me running is the realization that I can do this. The only thing stopping me is me. I am not tired my lungs are good. I can breathe my legs do not hurt. So why can't I? I have changed so much from the person I was years ago. I am so much stronger. After the bad spot I realized I am strong. Its a shame It took me 36 years to realize this but I guess at least I did. I will never say that time period was good for me but I sure came out the other side a different/better person.

Before the year ends.. A look back

I find it hard to believe that 2010 is almost over and done. I used to hear people talk about the older you get the faster time goes. I for the life of me have no idea where this year has gone. As I look back I am extremely thankful I am not in charge/ control of this life. In April my life did a complete 360.. Unexpectedly after a month of two half marathons I decided I could and would loose some pounds.. and my running buddy got pregnant.. after trying for years. This two events pretty much changed my year. I lost 50 pounds and she delivered the cutest baby. Two things not on my radar for the year. I find it only appropriate to say thanks to end the year. . First off goes to Rachel you changed me.. watching you woke up something inside me. Thanks. Next up Philip. Thanks for picking up the slack around the house while I go to the gym all the money we have had to spend on new clothes and most of all saying.. I love you no matter what size you are. Karla for the words you say that are just what I need to hear when I need them ...such as " you will be fast tomorrow" and believing I could finish under three:) And my boys that allow me to run behind them and who have reintroduced me to biking. And last but not least Kristine.. Thanks for helping me see its not my timing that counts. Who would of ever thought after ten years a baby! It was our year!! You sure set the bar high for 2011...

The teacher becomes the student

Sometimes there is a moment a minute in that changes us. Often we don't notice until we look back and realize that a moment changed us.. forever. I had a moment like that recently. I had talked "the girls" into training and completing a half marathon. I had the priviledge of completing it along side a dear friend. I stayed with her during the race. I was her partner. During the race I watched her.. the half marathon was hard for her but she never complained, she never thought of quitting she never looked back. She had trained she was prepared. I had been on the receiving ends of lots of phone conversations where she was scared.. and worried. She wouldn't be fast enough. She couldnt do it etc. etc. But what she had was: me beside her and determination. You could see it. She was going to do it. She was going to finish. The whole race you could see it in her eyes. She wanted it. She never complained. She stayed on course. She rocked it...at mile ten it was raining and she said. I have never walked over ten miles.. But she did it and she was fast.. In the Rain.. And then the finish line. She had made it. She easily said 30 times " Can you believe I am doing this." When she was done she was proud. It was HER moment but mine too. It made me think why can't I? What stops me? IT was my wake up call. I have fear. But why can't I do it? Thanks for allowing me to cross that finish line with you and share your moment in time.( you know who you are) Thanks for the wake up call I needed to make a change. But most of all thanks for being by my side no matter what ..a promise is a promise.

Sometimes it't the journey that makes you who you are.

I recently ran into an old friend from a few years ago. She asked how I was. We had lost touch a few years ago when all the bad happened. I made me realize how far I have come from all that. Today I told Phil that was a really bad time of my life. It still haunts me. I look at pictures of myself from that time and I see how miserable I was and unhappy. But I have learned who I am. Not what I do. When people meet me now where I work is only a very small part of me. It does not define me. Years ago that wasn't true. I also learned what was important. My boys ( all three of them) and my friends. The ones that know what happened and stood by me and never once thought about standing behind me but right beside me. That time changed me. But when I am with my boys and we are all at home laughing over something crazy or when I am laying on the floor with my buddies after eating too much Chinese food I know I just might be the luckiest women around. It's funny cause I once told this friend I ran into when this whole thing started that I ruined my life. It's funny it was the exact opposite.

Finding myself in a not so familiar place.

Lately I have found myself spending lots of time in the kitchen. I have been cooking. I will pause a minute while you 1.either laugh or 2.pick yourself off the floor. Anyway I have been not only baking but cooking. I have found myself being the person who tears recipes out of magazines because they look good and actually trying them. Yesterday, while I was cooking and the boys were right there beside me measuring and stirring it made me laugh. Logan said " Were so lucky to have a Mom who cooks for us. Your the best cook Mom." It made me laugh. In fact I did laugh and Phil said You have come a long way. It also made me think. What makes me want to cook and actually enjoy it? It has to do with the boys. While I was having a conversation with a wise not so old friend this week we were talking about home. I told her I get to make the home for my boys. I get to create the memories they have of family and dinners and what it feels like to have a holiday. The smells, the tastes the sounds. I get to define what that means to them. I guess this act of cooking has become one more way for me to show the boys love. It all came full circle this past week when Logan and Rob asked me to make them a recipe book of all the things we like to cook together so someday they can make it with there kids.

In a Galaxy Far Far Away.....

17 years ago. 17 YEARS AGO. I met a group of girls throught nothing else but divine intervention. And even now when I see them no it is like no time is past at all. Through kids, marriages and some really bad years when we are together it is like we are right back there when our biggest worry was how many more skips we could have in Faith in Learning before we failed or who our date would be for R.N.O. Its makes me so happy to see my kids grow to love my girls. The older I get I realize how blessed I am to have friends like that. Friends who will come for Halloween and not only dress up with the boys but bring costumes for everyone else too. Seventeen years ago I had no idea those girls I met in Into to Sociology would seventeen years later be hanging out playing dress up and be such a huge part of my life still. Thanks for the memories... and in the words of Logan .. See you next year.

Tag your it......

Yesterday Rob and I were walking and he was talking about recess. He said he has a problem and really doesn't understand. I said what is it. He said at recess we like to play boys chase girls,(they take after there Dad what can I say) anyway...he said they learned they cant actually tag each other. I said why he said because you cant touch at school and then he said. I don't know why do you. He said how do you play tag without touching? Hmmm. I had no answer. Its a great question. He went on and on but in my mind I was thinking have we really turned into a society where we cant tag? I know the science behind it but tag?
Later we were eating dinner and our doorbell rang. The doorbells rings alot the boys have lots of friends (this quality they get from me) Anyway Rob told his friend they couldn't play and his friend asked why? Rob said I am spending time with my family. His friends response was again Why? This led to a discussion about our family and how we may be different than others. Logan said its because normal families don't eat together or spend as much time together.Its funny how we are not the normal family because we eat together and spend time together. Maybe if a few families could go back to those ways we could go back to letting kids tag each other.