What makes you go on?

Someone asked me this week what makes you run for two hours.What makes you keep running? I thought about this a lot today while I was running.. My answer is this. What keeps me running is the realization that I can do this. The only thing stopping me is me. I am not tired my lungs are good. I can breathe my legs do not hurt. So why can't I? I have changed so much from the person I was years ago. I am so much stronger. After the bad spot I realized I am strong. Its a shame It took me 36 years to realize this but I guess at least I did. I will never say that time period was good for me but I sure came out the other side a different/better person.

Before the year ends.. A look back

I find it hard to believe that 2010 is almost over and done. I used to hear people talk about the older you get the faster time goes. I for the life of me have no idea where this year has gone. As I look back I am extremely thankful I am not in charge/ control of this life. In April my life did a complete 360.. Unexpectedly after a month of two half marathons I decided I could and would loose some pounds.. and my running buddy got pregnant.. after trying for years. This two events pretty much changed my year. I lost 50 pounds and she delivered the cutest baby. Two things not on my radar for the year. I find it only appropriate to say thanks to end the year. . First off goes to Rachel you changed me.. watching you woke up something inside me. Thanks. Next up Philip. Thanks for picking up the slack around the house while I go to the gym all the money we have had to spend on new clothes and most of all saying.. I love you no matter what size you are. Karla for the words you say that are just what I need to hear when I need them ...such as " you will be fast tomorrow" and believing I could finish under three:) And my boys that allow me to run behind them and who have reintroduced me to biking. And last but not least Kristine.. Thanks for helping me see its not my timing that counts. Who would of ever thought after ten years a baby! It was our year!! You sure set the bar high for 2011...

The teacher becomes the student

Sometimes there is a moment a minute in that changes us. Often we don't notice until we look back and realize that a moment changed us.. forever. I had a moment like that recently. I had talked "the girls" into training and completing a half marathon. I had the priviledge of completing it along side a dear friend. I stayed with her during the race. I was her partner. During the race I watched her.. the half marathon was hard for her but she never complained, she never thought of quitting she never looked back. She had trained she was prepared. I had been on the receiving ends of lots of phone conversations where she was scared.. and worried. She wouldn't be fast enough. She couldnt do it etc. etc. But what she had was: me beside her and determination. You could see it. She was going to do it. She was going to finish. The whole race you could see it in her eyes. She wanted it. She never complained. She stayed on course. She rocked it...at mile ten it was raining and she said. I have never walked over ten miles.. But she did it and she was fast.. In the Rain.. And then the finish line. She had made it. She easily said 30 times " Can you believe I am doing this." When she was done she was proud. It was HER moment but mine too. It made me think why can't I? What stops me? IT was my wake up call. I have fear. But why can't I do it? Thanks for allowing me to cross that finish line with you and share your moment in time.( you know who you are) Thanks for the wake up call I needed to make a change. But most of all thanks for being by my side no matter what ..a promise is a promise.

Sometimes it't the journey that makes you who you are.

I recently ran into an old friend from a few years ago. She asked how I was. We had lost touch a few years ago when all the bad happened. I made me realize how far I have come from all that. Today I told Phil that was a really bad time of my life. It still haunts me. I look at pictures of myself from that time and I see how miserable I was and unhappy. But I have learned who I am. Not what I do. When people meet me now where I work is only a very small part of me. It does not define me. Years ago that wasn't true. I also learned what was important. My boys ( all three of them) and my friends. The ones that know what happened and stood by me and never once thought about standing behind me but right beside me. That time changed me. But when I am with my boys and we are all at home laughing over something crazy or when I am laying on the floor with my buddies after eating too much Chinese food I know I just might be the luckiest women around. It's funny cause I once told this friend I ran into when this whole thing started that I ruined my life. It's funny it was the exact opposite.

Finding myself in a not so familiar place.

Lately I have found myself spending lots of time in the kitchen. I have been cooking. I will pause a minute while you 1.either laugh or 2.pick yourself off the floor. Anyway I have been not only baking but cooking. I have found myself being the person who tears recipes out of magazines because they look good and actually trying them. Yesterday, while I was cooking and the boys were right there beside me measuring and stirring it made me laugh. Logan said " Were so lucky to have a Mom who cooks for us. Your the best cook Mom." It made me laugh. In fact I did laugh and Phil said You have come a long way. It also made me think. What makes me want to cook and actually enjoy it? It has to do with the boys. While I was having a conversation with a wise not so old friend this week we were talking about home. I told her I get to make the home for my boys. I get to create the memories they have of family and dinners and what it feels like to have a holiday. The smells, the tastes the sounds. I get to define what that means to them. I guess this act of cooking has become one more way for me to show the boys love. It all came full circle this past week when Logan and Rob asked me to make them a recipe book of all the things we like to cook together so someday they can make it with there kids.

In a Galaxy Far Far Away.....

17 years ago. 17 YEARS AGO. I met a group of girls throught nothing else but divine intervention. And even now when I see them no it is like no time is past at all. Through kids, marriages and some really bad years when we are together it is like we are right back there when our biggest worry was how many more skips we could have in Faith in Learning before we failed or who our date would be for R.N.O. Its makes me so happy to see my kids grow to love my girls. The older I get I realize how blessed I am to have friends like that. Friends who will come for Halloween and not only dress up with the boys but bring costumes for everyone else too. Seventeen years ago I had no idea those girls I met in Into to Sociology would seventeen years later be hanging out playing dress up and be such a huge part of my life still. Thanks for the memories... and in the words of Logan .. See you next year.

Tag your it......

Yesterday Rob and I were walking and he was talking about recess. He said he has a problem and really doesn't understand. I said what is it. He said at recess we like to play boys chase girls,(they take after there Dad what can I say) anyway...he said they learned they cant actually tag each other. I said why he said because you cant touch at school and then he said. I don't know why do you. He said how do you play tag without touching? Hmmm. I had no answer. Its a great question. He went on and on but in my mind I was thinking have we really turned into a society where we cant tag? I know the science behind it but tag?
Later we were eating dinner and our doorbell rang. The doorbells rings alot the boys have lots of friends (this quality they get from me) Anyway Rob told his friend they couldn't play and his friend asked why? Rob said I am spending time with my family. His friends response was again Why? This led to a discussion about our family and how we may be different than others. Logan said its because normal families don't eat together or spend as much time together.Its funny how we are not the normal family because we eat together and spend time together. Maybe if a few families could go back to those ways we could go back to letting kids tag each other.

A place in time.

So I turned 35 Saturday and I got a call from a friend on Saturday telling me she was getting divorced. And after I talked to her and offered whatever advice I had I hung up and thought is this the age it happens? Is 35 the age where those of us who got married split up and go for round two? I know it was only a coincidence. I am not a fan of divorce watching my parents go through it and seeing how it ruined my family makes me hate it even more. But standing and watching friends go through it brings it to a whole new level. I also understand why and how it happens. It used to be such a big thing is it now? It certainly is more common. I have a friend who is also around 35 who is dating never been married but we have discussed opening the dating pool to women who are on there second marriages since we are older now. So I guess this is how life progresses. I am old 35. Thirty five.

If only we all had a friend like Little Ernie

Rob has a friend names Little Ernie. I gave Ernie to Rob on his third birthday. He now has little Ernie two we lost little Ernie one when we took him to the playground he wanted to go down the slide and never came home. Little Ernie has no eyes, and his hair has been rubbed off. He also has several holes in his nose that Phil ( God bless Phil) sews up. Its fun to see at seven my little guy who calls his friends on the phone, eats dinner at a friends house at least one night a week, and downloads music on his IPOD still has little Ernie. It is fun to see a glimpse of the little boy who once lived here. It amazing how fast the past four years have gone. The following are pictures of Ernies surprise party we had for him on his birthday...

Boys will be boys will be boys....

I remember maybe last year of the year before ok I dont remember that well but I do remember saying I am not sure when people let there kids play outside without someone being with them and now my boys play in the backyard alone. Well alone is a little bit of a stretch every day there are kids riding there bikes over, scootering to our house pulling up and running to the backyard. It is funny I dont remember ever having friends on the same street growing up but the boys have quite the gang.. I hear them lets play like your the dragon, or Im the powerranger or lets play like I am the dad or lets play school (yes they still find it fun to play school)or my favorite lets play like we are working at Dicks sporting goods. And the hours go by and they play. Every once in awhile the run in to get drinks and to see if they can get an ice cream from the ice cream mans truck that stalks our house; that will be a topic of another post. I dare open the door to see what is going on and I hear.. What are you doing back here? As if the backyard belongs to them and there gang. It makes me laugh. I tried to sign them up for summer camp this week I was telling Logan how great it was gona be with the water slides and the inflatables etc, and he said well you know I dont know if we can go we might miss the backyard. There you go.

How will your kids remember you?

Sitting at soccer with the boys today they said we need coaches all you have to do is 1. Love God 2. Love Kids do you know anyone like that? Rob and Logan both put there hands up and said "Our Mom loves God and Loves Kids". NO I am not coaching soccer. But I am glad my kids know that I do love God and love kids. The last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about how my kids will see me apart from them. Phil bought me a plane ticket to go see the girls in Kentucky. Logan did not want me to go but Phil told him we have to share our Mom. Those girls love her too. It is funny the minute you become a Mom they have no memory of who you were before. I love that I am able to be apart from them but I am even more glad that I get to be defined as there Mom who loves God and Kids.

The stuff love stories are made of.....

From the outside eye my marriage is anything but typical. In fact if you have spent anytime with Phil and I you know that we have very nontraditional roles. Phil and I can be kinda low maintenance. Phil hates Valentines Day he thinks the card company made it up to make guys buy presents. I wanted to go out for Valentines Day. I got a babysitter and I wanted to do something. So Phil being a great husband made a plan. But if you have spent anytime with us you know out plans do not always come through. Last night around 1:30 he woke me up and said Logan is sick. What he should of said was Logan has managed to leave a trail from his bed, down the hall to the bathroom....gross. So I got up again if you know me you know I hate mornings and being woken up. I started to clean up the floor. I realized we had no carpet cleaner. I looked in the bathroom and Phil had Logan in the bathtub and I decided I would go back to sleep. Honestly why should two people be awake???? Eight hours later I woke up Phil was on the couch sleeping with Logan, all the sickness was cleaned up like nothing had even happened.( which means at some point in the middle of the night he had went to Walgreen's to get floor cleaner) I realized that was the best present in fact If I wrote sappy love stories this would be a best seller. There are times in life when someone beside you to take care of the kids and gross floor so you can sleep is the definition of true love. I am not sure it gets any better than this. I can not imagine any one I would rather do this thing called life with...

Baby just look at us all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist
Between a backwoods boy and a fairy tale princess
People said it would never work out
Living our dreams has shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Living our love song

Out of the mouth of babes...

Today I overheard Logan say this. " I have a great life." and that my friends about sums it up.

A MI that looks like me.....

I love the NIKE plus running system sometimes it seems I work for NIKE or get some kind of paid endorsement I talk about it so much. It motivates me. I am in a running group of people I never have met who do 100 miles a month and it keeps me going every month to keep up with these people. I never want to come in last. While uploading a few days ago I found where you could make a MI that looks like you. So.. here is mine.

whatever works. This is what works for me.

Home

Its comforting yet unsettling to me that the most at home I have felt in years came this past week at a IMO's. My dad took my sister and brother and our families out to dinner and just for a minute I looked up and thought wow this is it. It felt familiar and comforting and like Home. One of the things I have missed the most about my parents divorcing is not being to get that feeling back. But there at Imo's eating pizza listening to all my familes voices around me I was home. Just like that and then it was gone.

What Christmas looks like from my view....

We had an amazing Christmas. It was filled with family, a lot of laughter, food and some presents too. I am blessed I could not ask for a better Christmas or family.

17 days and counting

Anyone who has ever asked me the age old question don't you want more kids gets this response. "I love the age Rob and Logan are now why would I go back?" This season is no exception they are so excited for Christmas. We have had so much fun getting ready. I being such a country girl introduced my city living husband to the Christmas tree farm this year. A decision I now regret since we took home two trees, an additional one for the boys room. And awoke some crazy tree craze in Phil who has to this date put up six Christmas trees in our home. I regret waking that sleeping bear. For all of you laughing feel free to show up at my house after Christmas to help take them down. Anyway.. nothing can compare to hearing Logan sing Christmas carols adding his own words to what he doesnt know. Listening to him and Rob discuss if every Santa we see is the real Santa or a helper.. or seeing the Veggie Tale Manager riding along on the Christmas train. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

Giving Thanks for Turkeys..

Not to disappoint the loyal fans who are anxiously awaiting pictures from today.. Here they are pictures of the turkey trot(yes Karla those are the shirts I made even Dan Dan the tan pants man has one)....I have so much to be thankful for my family, my husband being able to walk around the track this year.(ten years ago yesterday he asked me to marry him :) My friends: who has college friends show up year after year for Thanksgiving just to run the turkey trot... This time last year things were so uncertain. I am so thankful and truly know how blessed I am. Happy Thanksgiving.
** Official race results... Logan won for the first year with a time of 11.05/mile**

More than politics..

I know what you are thinking another attempt to change your mind but this is different. I am different from so many of you because of the family I am in. I view voting as a personal decision, and this is mine.
Today in the car on the way home I asked the boys why they want to vote for Barack. They said because he will improve schools and give to the poor ( they don't see this as a bad thing). I wanted to say this. I am voting for Barack Obama because he is a Christian and that comes first to me. I am not going to debate platforms and all that is not what this is about. I am voting for him because for all the times that someone has said to me " I didn't know your husband was black" or my favorite " Your husband isn't really black you know?" or don't forget "Your husband doesn't sound black" I usually don't talk about these things but they are there. I am hoping if Barack is president that maybe we will no longer be intimidated by someone different than us. I am voting for Barack because of the words my Mom said to me when we first talked about me dating Phil. "well its ok for you but what about your kids which race will they identify with?" My answer now would be how about the human race? I asked Rob do kids ask you why your Mom is white and your dad is black? He said why would they Mom?. I am voting for Barack for Phil's Mom who would not get behind Barack for so long because she still knows the trials and troubles that her race has gone through. What we know as history she knows as her life. The women who had never from day one treated me like a white women but as her daughter. When you ask her about the election she still cant believe she has lived to see these times. She cant believe her grand kids are growing up in a world where a Black man could run and did run for the President of the United States. Which brings us full circle. I am voting for Barack for my two boys. If Barack is elected president on Tuesday no one will ever be able to tell them again they cant be whoever or do whatever they want. Regardless of what happens Tuesday I am hoping things will change for them. That is what I wanted to say and someday when they are old enough to understand I will.

September 14, 2008 My first half marathon

I did it. My friend Kristine and I completed our first half marathon. It was the longest wetest race I have ever did. Thanks to Ike it rained here all day with winds up to 40mph but the race went on. Thank God I put all vaniety behind me and decided to wear a poncho. Other people were wearing trash bags. When we were waiting for it to start I tried to get Kristine to quit. It was so miserable in the rain and cold. You couldnt look up cause it was raining so hard. She said we didnt come this far to quit. Once we got moving it was fun. My ponch ripped half way through so I picked one up off the ground someone else had thrown off. ( again I have no pride) What made me the most proud is when we got to the finish line there were only about 6 families there and there was mine in rain coats and long pants cheering me on....Logan yelled Mom you look like a banana.( the poncho I borrowed was yellow) And just like that is was over I am not sure when my shoes will dry out. I hope soon so I can get training for the marathon we signed up for next month.